I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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