She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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