I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
