The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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