Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
