Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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