But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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