There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
