I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize