I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize