So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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