Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
