Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize