I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
