my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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