Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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