I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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