I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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