i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
