The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
