Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
