That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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