Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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