I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize