I must be too annoying 4 u.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
my liver is dry heaving