I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
