i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.