The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed