Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.