On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.