Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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