so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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