The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
