in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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