He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
