I am in a vortex of obligation.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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