i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
