Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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