not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
