I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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