I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
