I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
