Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
