that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
