i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
