I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
