so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
