that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
