I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
