just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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