At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
