can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
