I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
