well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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