I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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