what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
