My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
