he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Randomize
