with your own penis?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
