You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
