I think I died a long time ago.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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