So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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