just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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