i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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