Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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