I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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