did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
