nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
