i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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