I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
