I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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