it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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