Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
