Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
