im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we're making bets on your personal life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
