He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
