Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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