I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
