You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
