just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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