you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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