If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
