I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
