I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
